Deer in the Headlights

The cookout Saturday was awesome, as it is every year. It always follows a morning Golf Tournament that R and his brother play in which makes for an early morning for both bartenders and little to no sleep the night prior. Since that was the case and I had only had 3 beers over 6 hours I drove home. This is where the story happens....

We are traveling down 83 South in PA. It is only two lanes in PA and the speed limit is 65. I'm traveling about 70 miles an hour in the right lane. I see something ahead, but for a split second I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. When I got about 15-20 yards away I realized it was a deer that had no intention of going anywhere. There is no real shoulder there, but luckily there was no car in the left hand lane. I swerved, barely missing the deer. When I say I attract disaster, I do mean all kinds. I can only say that I missed that deer and it did not leap into the Explorer by the grace of God.

Everybody Poops

First, I apologize dearest Blog. I have left you quite neglected!
Second, I apologize for the title, but it was nicer than some of the others that came to mind.

My story begins a week ago today when we brought our 10 month old Pit Bull home from the SPCA. (Our Chocolate Lab was feeling quite lonely since my fiance's brother and Jack Russell Terrier moved out.) Our new pup had a little bit of trouble adjusting from the food she was given at the SPCA and the food we feed her. However, it had been nothing major. She was pretty much "potty" trained when we got her.

Well, Saturday my fiance and I had plans to go to a cookout at our friend's house in PA. Since I knew we would be gone for most of the day into the evening I asked my friend, A, to let the dogs out. I decided that when I took her the key to the house that morning I would take the new pup along so they could get acquianted. That is, right after I made a pit stop at the grocery store to pick up cupcakes for the cookout. I dashed in, made my purchase, and rushed back to the car to find a toxic smell. My new little love of a dog pooed in the backseat!!!!!! This is bad enough on it's own, I know. But, to make matters worse R had taken the Explorer that I drive with the leather seats and I was driving his Land Criuser with the cloth seats! Good thing we have plenty of carpet cleaner on hand in our house.

Needless to say, A did not meet the new pup before coming to let the dogs out. I, surprisingly, did not puke while cleaning up the mess. And, the day was still a success otherwise. I managed not to spill anything on myself, fall down, or otherwise damage my person. However, that leads me the almost disaster......

Oooo Burned!

R and I went to a cookout at our neighbor's house last night to celebrate Memorial Day. We always have a good time over there. Last night there were horseshoes, tons of good food, mojitos, a fire pit, and a number of Off! candles and lanterns. Our neighbor has this nice stone wall that is built around a patio where the fire pit is. No, I did not fall into the fire. I was sitting on this wall and did not pay attention to the fact that a lantern was behind me. That is, until I leaned back into it. I now have two burn marks that are so nasty it looks like the skin boiled up and then froze that way. The picture attached does not even do them justice. It actually makes them look like gills. The larger mark is two inches, and they hurt! So, now, the back of my right arm will always be a reminder that I should look around before I sit down. You never know where a lantern might be hiding!

The Swing

I have been neglecting my blog. I assure you, it is not because of lack of disaster.

On Friday I went to my parents' house to visit. My dad and I walked outside so he could show me a bookcase he was building for the antique booth he, my mom, and myself have. He was building the case underneath the deck, and hanging from the deck is this rope swing. It is a full seat, not just a piece of large rope. Once it was a very nice swing, but it was left outside all winter. All I can figure is the rope had rotted. I sat in the swing and immediately met the ground. Luckily, it was not a far fall. And, there I sat when my father turned around, twisted in a mess of rope that was now more like a net. At least I was able to laugh at myself. That fall wasn't my fault!

So, I leave you with this article: http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg19426034.600-accidentprone-people-do-exist.html Apparently, truly accident prone people DO exist.

The Cookout Spill

I went on a shopping spree Saturday night with C. We attacked Marshalls with an entire store slow crawl, and then did the same thing to Super Walmart. I love late night shopping.

In Marshall's I bought this fabulous thermos for $7.99. It has a little lid that can be used as a cup, and it has a sealed lid that has an open and close button.

My fiance and I went to our neighbors for a cookout. We stayed over there for quite a while, but as the evening wore on the crowd dwindled. Several of us decided to go to another neighbor's house. I ran home to feed the dog and grabbed my thermos filled with that fancy smancy V8 juice. Since I had never used my thermos, I did not realize that the lid could double as a cup. I popped the button open and attempted to drink from the thermos. Disaster! I poured juice all over my favorite black cardigan. And, I know you might be thinking, but it's black, it's okay. Oh no, no, no. It got weird and crusty when it dried. To top it all off, I thought I just poured too quickly and I tried to drink directly from the thermos again!

All that keeps going through my head right now is the song from The Jerk "I'm picking out a thermos for you. Not an ordinary thermos for you...."

The Spill

I take back my earlier statement about no new incident. This is a disaster, but not one where I hurt myself.

I went to Sonar last night to see Alkaline Trio with A & C (I'm using letters only, no names). I was carrying a drink through the crowd after the second band had finished. I did not spill a drop all the way through the crowd, but when we were exiting the other side some dude ran right into me. He knocked half of my drink down the front of my shirt. And, of course, I happened to be wearing white. I never wear white, ever, as a general rule! I will inevitably attract some sort of disaster to ruin the white shirt. Thank God for bleach!

I have nothing unexpected so far today. Maybe this blog has jinxed me out of hurting myself. hmm....perhaps this blog is a fabulous idea!

I'll reach back into my archive. I am going far far back. I believe I was two years old, so the story goes. I was always quite a climber, despite my fear of heights. At age two I got the brilliant idea to turn dresser drawers into stairs. Perhaps I was closer to three based on the difficulty of pulling out dresser drawers. I then proceeded to climb the drawers as though they were steps, and I turned the dresser over on top of me. This particular incident did not result in a trip to the emergency room, broken bones, or stitches. However, it was never forgotten. I can't even imagine how my mother felt, nor do I want to. It truly is a wonder I ever survived to an age where I could finally take care of myself, and I could finally determine what could be potentially dangerous. I have always told myself that God must have a much larger plan for me. I'm here for a reason.

The Bruise

I twisted my knee. I couldn't tell you how. I probably hit it on the corner of me desk too many times and then tried to walk on it. Thats usually the case.

So, I went to the pharmacy and got an ace bandage. This seemed to be helping, but I wasn't able to properly bend my knee. Yes, I realize thats the point.

The other morning I was walking down the steps in my house (to feed the dog before work), trying not to put pressue on my knee, when my foot slipped out from under me. Down the steps I go! I made the mistake of trying to catch myself rather than just letting myself fall backwards on my butt and slide down the stairs. I came down on my left thigh and slid to the floor. Somehow, I managed to not wake anyone else in the house, and to not hit my head.

Well, that lovely bruise complicated walking even more, but I managed for another 3 or 4 days....

I'm walking down the steps again to feed the dog dinner this time. Out from under me goes that foot again. Same exact scenario. I fell on my bruise and slide all the way down the stairs. I tried to catch myself again because I had a full glass of juice in my hand. I actually held onto that until I made it halfway down the stairs. Now, there is juice on the stairwell wall. Good thing we are painting soon.

The first time I was amused by my clumsiness. However, the second time that was not the case. And so, I give you a picture of The Bruise... (sorry about the poor quality of the pic it's from my phone)

Where To Begin?

Perhaps I will just start with today.

So, I'm changing the toilet paper in the larger of the two bathrooms in my office because, well, it's very necessary. This should be a task that is quickly done and without incident. However, I performed the task. In close proximaty to the toilet paper is a medicine cabinet. A metal medicine cabinet. And, okay, so maybe they aren't in such close proximaty. Too close for me....I bend over to change the toilet paper roll and I come back up and my head meets the corner of the cabinet. OUCH! I rub the spot on my head and I'm bleeding! It hurts worse than the papercut I got yesterday (that one is in the bend part in the middle of my left middle finger.) Who knew that a tiny little puncture would bleed for so long. geez....Oh, but this is just the beginning...A tiny incident. A blip in my existence.